Needed To Be Heard
by rholou
Summary: Robert gets some things off his chest. Will the right person hear though?


So this is my second story for today's prompt, for Robert week on tumblr.

The prompt is:

Day 2 (5th September) - Write a scene between your favourite Robert/Family relationship;

"So it's been a while" Robert said. He wasn't sure why, it's not like he was going to get an answer was it. He never really got why people did this. Then again something about the fact that you could spill your soul, your secrets, your darkest thoughts and the other person couldn't judge you for it had a certain appeal. Not something that could be said for this person when they were still alive but maybe in death they could be.

He placed the simple bunch of roses he brought down on the ground and knelt down to inspect the recently completed repairs. He hadn't been the one who'd paid in the end, Adam had done that, probably in some misguided attempt to get back in Victoria's good books. He would have done though, given the chance.

He read the inscription in silence, pausing on the word Grandfather.

"You're going to be a Grandad again you know?" he said to the silent gravestone. "Wonder what you would have thought of that? Would you be ashamed that I got some woman knocked up, when I was married to someone else? Maybe you would have been proud, like father like son right. Maybe we were more alike than you thought".

He read the rest of the inscription.

A Good Man At Rest In The Good Earth.

"Then again maybe not, I'm not a good man. I've tried to be, think I might have been getting somewhere, but that's gone now, I've blown it" his voice was a little bit hoarse with emotion and he cleared his throat self consiously, as if the man buried here might still judge him for his weakness.

"You wouldn't be surprised by that though. I always was a disappointment to you, I know". He sighed and ran a hand over his face and through his hair, messing it up but he didn't care.

"I don't know why I did it though, I love him so much, one stupid mistake and it's gone. You'd probably be happy about that if you were still here though wouldn't you? Would you have even come to my wedding?" he sat back on his heels, feeling really tired all of a sudden.

"Diane said something at the wedding, she said you'd be proud of me, and all I could think was that she didn't really know you at all then. You obviously never told her about that day. Is it because you were ashamed of what you did or because you were ashamed of me? I'll never know now will I? All I ever wanted to do was make you proud but how could I when you didn't like what I am, who I am? 15 years old and I cried myself to sleep that night, not because of much I hurt, I'm pretty sure you broke a rib though, but because I knew I would never be good enough, I'd never be the son you wanted" he swiped angrily at the tears that ran down his face.

"I told Aaron about it, he's the only person I ever told and do you know what he said? He said I wasn't a disappointment, that I was amazing, I never knew how much I needed to hear that until he said it. That's love, unconditional love, I wish you'd understood that, I wish I had".

Robert started to get up, his knee aching from where he'd been kneeling in the grass. He gave the headstone one last look, he wasn't sure when he would be back, he'd said everything he needed to. He turned away and stopped dead in his tracks.

Diane stood there, holding her own bunch of flowers, her face wet with tears.

He quickly ran his sleeve over his face, hoping she hadn't seen the wetness there.

"Oh er hi" he said, he could feel his cheeks glowing red.

"Oh love" she said. She dropped the flowers to the ground and pulled him to her. Her arms wrapping round him and squeezing tight. He didn't hug her back, just stood there feeling awkward. She let go eventually but she still held onto his arms and pulled back to look at his face.

"How long were you standing there?" he asked feeling defensive and trapped. He didn't like letting people in, it made him feel exposed and vulnerable.

"Long enough" she said. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

"It was along time ago. It doesn't matter" he tried to bluster his way out of it.

"Clearly that's not true" she said wiping at his still wet cheeks with her hand. "Will you tell me what happened?"

He didn't want to, but he wasn't sure how much she'd heard. Better that she get the full story than make her own up. He gave her the short version though.

"I was 15, Dad caught me with a lad and he...um..he gave me a good hiding for it" he wouldn't look her in the eye as he said it. She let go of his arms and stepped back, a hand rising to her own mouth in shock.

"Jack hit you because he found out you were gay?" she sounded like she couldn't believe it.

"I'm not gay, I'm bi, but yeah I guess that's what he thought. But this" he pointed at the look on her face "is why I didn't say anything. I knew you wouldn't believe me. Saint Jack would never do anything like that would he?" he started to turn away, determined to get away from her before she told him what a liar she thought he was. He was stopped by a hand on his arm though.

"Robert. I believe you" Diane said, her own voice cracking with emotion. He turned back to her, searching her face to see if it was true.

"You do?" he couldn't believe it, he'd been sure she wouldn't.

"You have no reason to lie about that" she said simply. "For what's it's worth I'm sorry" she hadn't let go of his arm yet and she gave it a gentle squeeze.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for" he shrugged.

"No but he's not here to apologise is he? So I'll do it for him".

"You really think he would if he was here?" he asked her.

"I hope he would pet. I'm not making excuses for him, he shouldn't have done what he did regardless, you were just a boy you didn't deserve that. I think he would have realised that eventually. But as far as you being gay, sorry bi" she amended when she saw him roll his eyes in annoyance at the slip. "It was a different time back then, people were more closed minded but if he'd have had the chance he would have seen that it didn't matter, he loved you no matter what".

It was nice of Diane to say and part of him hoped it was true but he wouldn't ever really know and that doubt would always be there.

"Thanks Diane" he said because at least she was trying, at least she hadn't washed her hands of him despite all of his mistakes. She must have read something in his expression though, his inability to truly believe what she'd said about his dad because she tried a different tact.

"You know Robert, sometimes you don't make it easy, but don't ever doubt that I love you. Aaron's right, you are amazing and I'm proud of you. I'm proud of who you are and of the man you're trying to be. Don't give up on that please?"

He knew she didn't know about his latest scheme and he felt a pang of guilt for the fact that he was at risk of betraying that faith she had in him.

"I won't" he told her, not sure if it was a lie or not, he didn't want it to be.

"Thanks Diane" he said putting his arm around her and returning the hug he hadn't been able to a moment ago. "I think I needed to hear that".

"Well let's just hope you listen this time" she said with a smile to soften her words.

"Where are you headed?" he asked linking his arm through hers.

"I was just going to head for a spot of lunch" she said wiping away the last of her own tears.

"Do you mind if I join you?" he asked her.

"I'd love that" she smiled up at him.

The pair of them walked arm in arm out of the graveyard, neither one turned to look back at the gravestone, they didn't need to.


End file.
